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Transcription:Misery, My Sweet Babboo
(on the ice pond) (everyone is skating. Snoopy tosses Linus into a tree, a la A Charlie Brown Christmas.) Franklin: Oh no! We’re late for Christmas play rehearsal! Frieda: Don’t worry. Charlie Brown’s in charge. We can just ignore him and dance repetitively. 555 54972: I love dancing repetitively! (all kids leave. Linus is left under the tree until nightfall when a unknown person (we are looking from their POV) approaches him.) (inside) (Linus wakes up and finds that he is tied to a bed by his blanket. Sally is by his side.) Sally: Linus! You’re awake! Linus: Uhhhh, why am I tied up? Sally: Because you’re going to write me the love letter I always wanted! Linus: Love letter? I need to go to a hospital! Sally: I always wanted to be a nurse! They have such pretty white shoes! (leaves Linus:Things look bad for ole Linus. (outside of Snoopy’s dog house) Charlie Brown: Snoopy, have you seen Linus? He was supposed to walk me to chemo… Can you help me find him? (Snoopy nods, jumps behind the dog house and reemerges as Batman with Woodstock as Robin.) (A montage ensues with Snoopy and Woodstock parodying the Batman & Robin TV show introduction.) (Back in reality, Snoopy is seen on top of his dog house punching air.) Charlie Brown: (sigh) Good grief. (inside) Sally: I made snowflake soup! I know how much you like catching snowflakes on your tongue. Linus: So basically you made me a bowl of hot water? (doorbell rings. Sally runs to answer the door, but accidentally tosses the bowl of hot water on Linus’ lap.) Linus: Ahhhh! (front door) (Sally opens the door and finds Snoopy as Batman standing on the step, but mistakes him for…) Sally: Val Kilmer? (Snoopy shakes his head no.) Sally: Heeeey, you’re my brother’s dog! (Snoopy points to the tree where Sally snatched up Linus, and follows the tracks that lead up to the doorstep.) Sally: I shoulda known you’d figure it out. You’re always so snoopy. Oh heeeey! Snoopy! That’s your name! It all makes sense now! (Sally and Snoopy laugh for a second, until Sally brutally kills Snoopy with a shovel and drags him inside.) (Small scene where Sally dumps Snoopy down into the cellar, a la Misery.) (in Linus’ room. He is writing on paper with a seemingly free hand.) Linus: Oh my God! They just murdered Val Kilmer! Sally: Where’s my love letter, Sweet Babboo? (picks up and reads the letter) This isn’t a love letter! It’s a cry for help! (Sally Begins Crumbles The Paper) Did you think I’d let you mail it?! Linus: But Sally, it’s Christmas! Sally: You’re right! I almost forgot! (brings in a spikey old Christmas tree, very similar to the one from A Charlie Brown Christmas, and places it between Linus’ ankles.) Does this tree look sturdy enough? Linus:Uhhh, f-for what? (Sally takes a curtain and a hammer and breaks Linus’ ankle on the tree, a la Misery. in black) Linus: SCHUUUUUUUULZ!!! (later, Linus has his ankles wrapped in gauze and he finishes the "love letter.") Linus: (sigh) It’s done. Sally: Really?! Can I read it? (reading the letter:) "Dear Sally, see the words on this page? Please keep your eyes on them so you don’t notice the thing I’m about to do." (as Sally is reading the letter, Linus unties himself and prepares to strangle Sally.) Sally: Wow! I’m hu- (Linus comes from behind and begins to strangle Sally as she gasps for air, each time Linus tightening the blanket’s hold on her throat.) Linus: (as Sally begins to lose consciousness) Shhh, shhh. It’s almost over. Shhh. (Sally loses consciousness. Linus releases his grip and lets her fall to the floor. Charlie Brown enters.) Charlie Brown: Linus! Thank goodness! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Linus: I WAS IN YOUR HOUSE, YOU BLOCKHEAD! Charlie Brown: Good grief! I can’t do anything right! Even my sister’s a psycho! Linus: I never thought she was that bad. She wasn’t that bad at all, really. Maybe she just needed a little love. (Sally regains consciousness, gasping for air, but Linus smashes a lamp over her head, killing her.) Linus: By the way, Val Kilmer’s dead. Category:Transcriptions